I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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