Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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