I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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