I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
