His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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