SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
