i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
