Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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