College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So here I am, sexting at work.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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