when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
