You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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