hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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