Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
