just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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