Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
