id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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