I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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