Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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