3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
