OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
