either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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