I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
