"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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