woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
