If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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