You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
