I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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