I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
