I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
