no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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