I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
