What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
