i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
