thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
