You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
