Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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