So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize