I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
