Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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