it's great music for shaving your balls
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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