Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
