it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
