I love black thongs
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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