dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
