why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
