I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
