I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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