Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
