I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
