a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
