I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
