i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
