Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
