fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
