You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
These tits shall not be calmed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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