when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize