I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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