she was so not down for the gang bang
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
