Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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