I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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