Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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