I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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