Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize