i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
