well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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