You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
