You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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