Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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