i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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