He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
