is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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