My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
