He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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