My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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