he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
