omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
